Goodbye Girl (Hidden Lane Ranch) Read online

  “It’ll be ok, I promise,” Eliza assured me as we pulled into a stall downtown. I nodded and got out of the truck. I really didn’t feel like socializing but I’d be damned if I was going to stay home like Clint expected me to.

  We walked inside and found Jackson and Steve at our usual table. Wyatt was out on a date with some new girl tonight and said he might be joining us later.

  Eliza pulled up a stool next to Jackson and took a swig of his beer. What was up with them? She kept telling us all she had no interest in him because she’d known him since they were kids, but she sure spent a lot of time around him when we went out and when they danced, they acted like two people that were way closer than ‘just friends’.

  “Hey boys!” she exclaimed over the loud music. I smiled and waved hello.

  “I’ll go get us some beers,” I leaned over and shouted in her ear. She gave me the thumbs up and I weaved through the crowd to the bar.

  As I stood and waited for our beers, Seth’s face flashed before my eyes. I shivered, thinking about the way he looked at me that night he hit me. If he hadn’t been interrupted by one of his friends who had some sort of drug business to discuss, I don’t know what he would have done to me.

  The bartender set my beers in front of me and I shook my head, getting all the thoughts of Seth out of my head. I paid for my beers and took them back to the table. Eliza and the boys were already gone to the dance floor. Normally I would’ve joined them right away, but tonight my heart wasn’t in it. Besides being upset about the fight with Clint, I hadn’t been feeling that great. I’d been tired and my stomach was queasy. Maybe it would better if I just went home.

  I found Eliza and pulled her off of the dance floor.

  “What’s up?” she asked.

  “Can I have your keys and go home? Could one of the guys take you home?” I asked.

  “Why? Don’t let my stupid brother get to you. Don’t give him the satisfaction of coming home already,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her.

  I shook my head. “I don’t feel good. I took one sip of my beer and I thought I was going to yak. I just want to shower and climb into bed.”

  “That’s all?”

  “Yes, I promise.”

  “Ok, my keys are in the front pocket of my purse.” She leaned forward and hugged me tight. “Feel better.” She pulled back and narrowed her eyes at me. “Try to sneak in without Clint seeing you.”

  I laughed. “I’ll try.”

  “Good.” She patted my cheek and wiggled her hips back out to the dance floor.

  I smiled and shook my head. She was so crazy and full of life - like the sister I’d never had. I wished I had half of her energy.

  As I walked out of the bar I bumped smack dab into Clint. “Rachel,” he said, reaching out to steady me.

  “Checking up on me?” I asked defensively. What the fuck was he doing there?

  He scrubbed his face with this hand. “Listen - “

  I put up my hand. “Clint, I don’t want to hear it. I’m tired and I don’t feel good. I’m going back to the ranch and going to bed. Don’t come after me.”

  I brushed past him, my resolve almost breaking as I heard him call my name out after me. I wasn’t going to give in though. Not this time. Not ever.

  Chapter 16 – Clint

  I watched her walk away from me and get into Eliza’s truck. I was frozen in place. I hadn’t expected to run into her so soon or for her to be so cold to me. I had come out to the saloon to find her and apologize for my earlier behavior. I was tired and looking forward to a quiet night with her watching a movie and falling asleep with her in my arms that I was annoyed she was going out with my sister again. I felt bad I’d been such an ass.

  I walked over to the table I knew my sister and her friends usually occupied and waited for her to get off of the dance floor so I could ask her what was up with Rachel. I watched her impatiently through a few songs; I thought about getting a beer, but I wanted to keep a clear head. I was about to drag her back when she finally came off of the dance floor laughing and out of breath.

  “Big brother, what are you doing here?” she asked, taking a sip of her beer.

  “I came to apologize to Rachel but she stormed right past me. What’s wrong?”

  She widened her eyes. “You can’t be serious, Clint. You really don’t know?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I know she’s mad at me about earlier, but for her to be so cold; it’s not like her.”

  “She said she wasn’t feeling well and you freaked her out. I think you should go back to the house and ask her about her old boyfriend. Maybe that would help explain it all.”

  “What about him?” Was he the one that had given her that bruise she had on her cheek when she first came to the ranch? I clenched my hands at my sides.

  She pushed my shoulder. “Go. It’s not my place.”

  “Fine,” I said before turning to leave. I pushed my way through the crowd and out to my truck. I gripped the steering wheel, thinking about what Rachel must have been through before coming to us. I shook my head; then I had to go acting like a controlling ass. No wonder she got upset with me.

  I tried not to speed, in a hurry to get to her. Ever since Hope had left me, I had trouble letting anyone in. In fact, before Rachel, I didn’t. I’d closed myself off to everyone other than my family until she came along. I couldn’t mess up the best thing that ever happened to me.

  I turned into the driveway of the ranch, relieved when I saw Eliza’s truck parked near the house. I threw my truck into park and shut it off, leaving the keys in it, and ran inside. My heart fell when I saw Ma alone on the couch watching the news.

  She turned around to look at me. “Are you looking for Rachel?” she asked softly.

  I nodded and kicked off my shoes. I started walking towards the hallway when she called out again. “I wouldn’t go in there.”

  I slowly walked towards her. “Why not?”

  She patted the couch next to her. “Come here, we need to talk.”

  I came around the couch and sat down with a sigh. “What’s up?”

  “I know Rachel left here upset with you, because you acted like a total jerk. I can’t believe you were trying to tell her what she can and can’t do. I raised you better than that. Well, she came back from the bar upset and didn’t want to talk about it. She said she was tired and going to bed. She asked me to tell you to leave her alone tonight.”

  My heart fell. “Why?”

  Ma sighed and turned so she could look at me better. “The way you acted tonight brought back memories of her old boyfriend - the one she left, the one that hit her.”

  I sucked in my breath, feeling the rage build in me. What asshole would lay a hand on her? “She never told me.”

  “I know. And I probably shouldn’t be telling you that now, but it might help you understand. She told me he was controlling and possessive and the last straw was when he hit her. She managed to sneak away in the night and drove from Buffalo until she got here.”

  “Jesus,” I muttered. “I had no idea.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I mean, I figured it was a boyfriend that hurt her, but now that I know for sure…”

  Ma reached out and took my hand. “There’s more. You know that her mom died when she was nineteen, right?”

  I nodded, bracing myself for what Ma was going to tell me next. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to hear it.

  “Well, her mom was with a man that was very controlling and abusive. He actually ended up killing Rachel’s mom.” Her eyes were filled with tears and she squeezed my hand.

  “Oh my God, Ma,” I mumbled, my eyes beginning to water as I thought about the pain Rachel had been through. No wonder she got so angry with me when I tried to tell her what to do. I released Ma’s hand and leaned forward, my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

  “I think you should give her tonight, Clint,” Ma advised.

  “I don’t think I can.” I lifted my head to look at her. �
�I need her to know I’m not like that. I’m not like those men.”

  “I think she knows that deep down. Remember, you guys sort of have a unique relationship. You’ve essentially lived together since the start of your relationship. It’s made things go faster than they would if you were traditionally dating.”

  “I love her, Ma. I need to tell her.”

  “I know you do. And she loves you. I think you two have been in love since day one if you ask me,” she smiled and rubbed my shoulder. “If you must talk to her, you can try, but don’t push her, ok?”

  “I won’t. I will just knock on her door and if she tells me to go away, I will. I have to try though.” I didn’t wait for her reply, getting up from the couch and walking down the hall to her room.

  I stood in front of it for a minute, my mind processing everything Ma had told me. We both had put up these walls around our hearts, not really letting each other in. Well, after tonight, I was done with that. I was going to let my guard down completely and I hoped she was going to do the same for me.

  I knocked softly on the door. “Rachel,” I said softly, holding my breath as I waited for her answer. When I heard nothing, I knocked again, a little bit louder. “Rachel, please. Give me five minutes. That’s all I ask.”

  There was no answer, but I thought I heard some rustling. Please let her come open the door. My heart was racing when I heard the click of the door and she slowly opened it. She looked like hell, her eyes red and her hair disheveled. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and tell her it was all going to be ok, but I had a feeling that would be pushing it.

  She turned around and went back to sit on the bed and I followed behind her. I sat on the chair in the corner. “You have five minutes and then I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted and not in the mood.”

  I nodded and wiped my hands on the palms of my jeans. “Rachel, I’m sorry about tonight. I had no right to tell you what to do and I was an ass. I wasn’t checking up on you at the bar; I came there to apologize. I hated how things were when you left and I wanted to make them right.”

  She took a deep breath and brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tight around herself. I tried to get a read on her emotions to figure out what she was thinking. Did she believe me? Or was she going to tell me to fuck off?

  “Ma told me what you’ve been through.” Her head snapped and she looked in my direction. “She told me about your mom and how she died and your ex-boyfriend.” She opened her mouth to say something. “Don’t be upset with her for telling me; she cares about both of us.” She closed her mouth and her eyes filled with tears. She buried her face in her knees and I heard a sob tear through her. Her body started shaking as she cried and I didn’t know what to do. Do I go to her? But she was mad at me? Or would she get mad at me for not trying to comfort her? Fuck it. If she pushed me away, so be it, but I was going to try.

  I got up off the chair and went over to her, sitting next to her on the bed. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into me. Much to my relief she didn’t resist but buried her head in my chest. She continued to sob and I let her. I had a feeling she had a lot of emotion pent up and it was all finally getting out. I soothed her hair with my hand and planted tiny kisses on her temple, whispering little words to try to comfort her. It broke my heart that she was hurting so bad because of the asshole men in her life.

  She finally pulled away from me and looked up at me with a tear-stained face. I turned and grabbed a tissue off the bed, giving it to her. She blew her nose and wiped her eyes before leaning back with a sigh. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice shaky with emotion.

  “Why are you sorry?” I asked.

  She shrugged and waved her arms. “I’m sorry for this whole mess and not telling you about it sooner. I wasn’t trying to hide anything; I just didn’t want to deal with it. We were having such a good time and you made me happy; I didn’t want to wreck anything.”

  A small smile played on my lips. “I made you happy, huh?”

  She smiled back and nodded. “Yes, you made me happy - you make me happy.”

  I took her hand in mine. “Good.” I reached out to brush a stray piece of hair that had fallen across her forehead. “You can tell me now if you want.”

  “But I thought your mom told you everything?”

  “Well, she probably gave me a more condensed version. I’d like to hear it from you if that’s ok.”

  She blew her nose again and took a deep breath. “Ok. I told you that it had always been Mom and me because my dad was an asshole, right?” I nodded when she stopped and waited for my answer. “I say it was just us but really, she had a hard time being alone. She was constantly dating someone new, trying to find the right one. I love my mother, but she had horrible taste in men. Some seemed no better than my father from what I’d been told.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “She never dated an abuser until I was eighteen. She had dated some controlling assholes before him, but no one raised a hand to her before and I realize now I was lucky none of those assholes she kept parading in and out of our apartment laid a hand on me.”

  I felt the muscle in my jaw twitch as she spoke about her childhood. I was so lucky to grow up here on the ranch with my family. I was so sorry she had to deal with that.

  “She met this guy where she worked. His name was Jack. He seemed perfect at first, bringing her flowers all the time, taking her out, even bringing me a few things. I thought it was ridiculous since I was eighteen, but he made her happy. Then one night I came home from work and I could hear him yelling at her. She was cowering in the corner of the living room while he was towering over her, screaming.” She shuddered and closed her eyes. I squeezed her hand as she relived the memory. “I was furious. I called the police immediately. They came and hauled him off, but my mom was furious with me and it wasn’t long before he was back.”

  She opened her eyes again, her eyes wet with her tears. “My mom became a shell of herself. She quit work and he moved in. She never saw her friends and she lost a lot of weight. I didn’t catch him hurting her, but she would have bruises and cigarette burns all over; he would do it when I was at work or at my friends.” A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly. “I couldn’t quit work because I was saving for college but I didn’t go over to my friends’ anymore; I was too scared of what would happen to her when I was gone.”

  “Rachel, I’m so sorry,” I said softly. My heart was aching for her and her mother, having to live in fear like that.

  “One day I came home from work and the apartment was strangely quiet. Mom barely left anymore, so I knew something was wrong. I went into her bathroom and found her lying on the floor. I called 911 immediately, but it was too late.” She was crying openly now as she relived that horrible day. “She had fresh bruises and I guess he’d beat the shit out of her and she fell and hit her head on the edge of the tub, dying on impact.”

  She crumpled then, sobs consuming her again. I gathered her into my arms again and held her into me while she cried. “I hadn’t been there to stop him. I should have gotten her out of there. I tried so many times but she wouldn’t listen to me. She wouldn’t leave his sorry ass.” Her voice got louder as she spoke through her tears.

  She finally stopped crying again and pulled away. “Before Mom died, I met a guy at work, Seth. We went on a date here and there, but were mostly friends. At least until Mom died. I was so overwhelmed with everything he sort of swooped in and took care of a lot of things for me. I was only nineteen and he was twenty-five. Honestly, he was a lifesaver. He helped me pack up the apartment and I moved in with him and his brother, but only as a roommate at first. He didn’t push for anything while I dealt with all of this. He sat in court with me every day when Jack was tried for what he did to Mom.”

  I nodded, trying to fight back the jealousy I was feeling that this guy took care of her; I didn’t even know her then but the thought of someone else being there for her bothered me.

 
“We had a good relationship for a long time, but then he lost his high paying job at the factory. He had trouble finding something that paid the same amount of money and he started hanging out with a new crowd and eventually selling drugs. I didn’t like the people he had around and I wasn’t afraid to say it, even in front of them. He didn’t like that at all and he started to become controlling, trying to tell me where to go, who to be friends with. Given the shady people he was keeping company with, I’d been hit on more than once by them and that pissed him off so he kept close tabs on me. I have no doubt he was having me followed sometimes.”

  “One day after a horrible fight - he didn’t hit me but we screamed at each other and I was pretty sure he thought about it but the apartment was full of too many people - I decided enough was enough. I’d stayed out of obligation since he was there for me when Mom died, but I wasn’t going to end up like her. I packed up my stuff and told him I was leaving. He lost it. He completely went ape shit on me. That’s when he hit me.”